Can We Talk?

Written by Carl & Yolanda Bennett
talk_phoneI am sure many of you have heard this statement before, especially if you are married or in a relationship with someone. Time and again many couples we counsel say that their spouse will not will not talk to them and we all know that this cannot be totally true, because something is said maybe not the conversation you want, but they do talk. During our studies we find that the number one reason for divorce and/or separation is communication.

I know you are probably saying it is finances or maybe even sex, but those rank two and three because if you cannot talk about either issue, which means you have to communicate, communication tops the list. We have notice that there are two commons ways couples communicate, one is the talk at me and the other is body language. Both of these ways are unhealthy, yet couples do it all of the time.

Talk At Me

Many times it is not what you say it is how you say it, and we have seen very often is that many couples do not know how to talk to one another. Have you ever heard someone say "my husband or wife does not talk to me, but they talk at me"? Now what does that really mean?  Well when you talk to your spouse make a connection, you want them to hear you and receive from you. Now on the other hand to talk at your is very impersonal you make them feel unimportant, and no connection is made you make them feel you are not concerned if them they receive from you or not.

Talking to your spouse is like when you pray, you what to make that connection, because you want to be heard, if you are not heard your prayer can not be answered.  Therefore you want God's undivided attention, and this is the same attitude you need to have with your spouse, because once the connection is made your entire relationship will change.

Body Language

Have you ever heard this statement "action speaks louder than words"? Well when you use body language in a negative way you are saying more than you think. We see a lot of body language when we counsel, and this hurt your connection especially when it is negative. Negative language can cause your spouse to disconnect instantly. Body language shows emotions and facial expressions. Be careful when you use body language it is positive and not negative.

We would like to leave you with this scripture I Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. So the next time you are asked can we talk? Prepare yourself to your spouse and not at them.