Great Sex - It Doesn't Just Happen

Written by Yolanda Bennett
bcouple_hands_500A lifetime prescription for sizzling sex


Do you remember the anticipation of going on a date with your future spouse and how desperately you desired one another? And how the sexual tension seemed to mount as you moved toward marriage? Today you may be wondering, "Where's our energy and desire for sex now?"

What Happened to the Fireworks?

How would you describe your love life with your spouse? Is it at the point of deterioration or improvement? If you want to make your love life better then you should answer this question with an honest answer. Have you thought about what you are going to do to make it better?


If you are going to make a direct attempt on improving your marriage, then it's going to take some constructive effort on your part. Lovemaking requires preparation and effort. It's a little like exercise-we hate to lace up the shoes, but once we've taken a brisk walk through the countryside we feel more alive. If you've been feeling more like a monk than a married person, here are a few ways to stir up the fire in your marriage.

· Recognize that God created marriage
· Renew your determination
· Run away from home
· Increase your chances
· Communicate
· Strive for great sex
· Have fun

Setting the Stage

Vibrant sex in marriage depends in part on getting off to a good start. Newlyweds must compare and work through their conflicting expectations. The most common surprises couples face are differences regarding how often they have sex and who initiates it. If couples discuss and negotiate their differences, they can avoid a good deal of frustration and confusion.

Men and women differ in how they initiate sex. The wife, for example, might snuggle with her husband and give him a few kisses. If he takes her overture one step further, he seems like the one who is initiating sex since he has become more direct. Over time, this pattern leads a couple to believe the husband is always the pursuer and the wife is never the initiator. Better communication and reversal of roles can help break this negative pattern.

Making Time, Finding Energy Couples who keep the sexual spark glowing are those who are purposeful about their sexual relationship

During a period in your marriage, you may or will feel as though you are merely surviving sexually. The demands of life use up your energy, and your primary desire is often for sleep, not sex.

A common myth is that spouses must wait for sexual desire before they initiate lovemaking. If they follow that principle, couples can expect to do a lot of waiting and not much acting. Activities and jobs are not the only distractions. At this stage, the privacy necessary for sexual freedom must be protected. For the sexual relationship to survive a private, uninterrupted time for the two of you must be planned into your schedule.

You must keep the pilot light of your sexual relationship lit-even if you don't have the time and energy to turn the flames up as high as you used to. But how do you do that?

Keep kissing, passionately; every day- Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship.

Keep open by sharing every day- Also, plan regular times to talk about sex. Talk about what you like and don't like. Share your dreams and desires. Negotiate your differences. Don't give up.

Keep committed to sex, in spite of all the distractions- Your marriage and sexual relationship must continue to be high priorities. Be cautious of commitments that rob you of time for one another.

Keep physically fit- Rather than watch TV, take a walk together or go bicycle riding. In fact, the best thing you can do for your sex life is to put the TV in the garage!

Keep well groomed- Maintaining proper care of your body and practicing good hygiene show that you care about and respect your spouse.

Keep your sexual feelings turned toward home- Fantasize being with each other. If sexual feelings are triggered in response to someone other than your mate, immediately put your spouse in the picture and bring the spark home!

Keep scheduled- Just as you need to schedule quality time with your family or individual time with a child, you need to schedule time for your sexual relationship.

Keep sex positive- Your sexual times will be most satisfying if they are free of demand and anxiety and full of care, warmth, physical pleasure and fun.

Keep learning about your own body and your mate's body- Read books on sexual enhancement out loud together. Experiment with new ideas.

Keep coming up with surprises to keep sex from becoming boring- Leave a love note on your spouse's pillow, light a candle, buy new sheets or change your position in bed.


A married life of greater love, passion and intimacy begins with a husband who adores and affirms his wife, and a wife who invites her husband to share in all her sexual intensity. And that can only happen when couples commit time and energy to creating a rewarding, healthy sex life-from the honeymoon night right through their golden years.