Growing Pains

Written by Yolanda Bennett
manhandsWhoever says marriage is easy has either given up or they are the type of person who quits whenever things get tough. I believe that any time we are striving to become a better person, spouse, parent, employee, business owner, etc. it is a challenging process.  Change is seldom easy, especially when it comes from within. However, change is necessary in order for our marriages to grow.

Yes, there will be growing pains in your marriage, but that is part of the married-life. These growing pains are not something you should avoid, but something you should embrace as part of what will become an enriching marital experience. When we experience marital difficulties, we should allow them to stir us up, not discourage us.

We believe many couples are not as happy as they could be because their expectations of their marriage are out of line. They bought into the lie that marriage would be easy and when it is not, they become discouraged, frustrated, and at worst depressed. One or both spouses may think they must be doing something wrong if they are not able to overcome these times of marital growing pains.

Here's a bit of reality for those who are waiting for the empty nest stage to experience a fulfilling marriage, you may be very disappointed when that day comes. I say this because we have spoken with several empty nest couples and only a few of them are really enjoying this stage. The reason is that they did not allow themselves to change within during the growing pains.

From personal experience, we have noticed that some of our most rewarding experiences in our marriage have also been some of the most challenging; and it is through these challenging times that we have grown. Because of this growth, we think very differently than we did 10 years ago. In addition, we would never want to go back to the way we were, not for a million dollars!

If you're the kind of person who gives up and quits when things get tough or when you do not see results as quickly as you had hoped, or if you are not challenging yourself enough, the following are some thoughts for you to ponder:
  • Marriage is awesome, but it isn't easy
  • A great marriage is wonderful, but it isn't easy
  • Having a successful marriage is worthwhile, but it isn't easy
  • Growing as a spouse is rewarding, but it isn't easy
If your goal is to have an easy marriage, then you will miss some of life's most fulfilling moments. If on the other hand you wish to get the most out of your marriage, you will have to move out of your comfort zone, and push yourself to reach new heights. If you are to grasp the understanding that success is challenging, you have to be willing to go through some growing pains.