One Perfect Husband

Written by Carl & Yolanda Bennett
manhandsWith each discovery we make concerning our husband's real self-the good, the bad, and, yes, the ugly, we find any sugarcoated dreams and sweet romantic fantasies we might have had confronted with these all-too-true realities:

- No husband can unfailingly meet his wife's needs.
- No husband can entirely fulfill his wife's expectations.
- No husband can realistically live up to his wife's ideals.
- No husband can completely satisfy his wife's longings.
- No husband can ever make his wife's dream of perfect, never-ending love come true.

When our expectations concerning our husband's love hit a brick wall, who will we turn for relief, hope, wisdom, and sustenance?

"It works this way-if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him perfection, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding of a human being that which he cannot give. As I mentioned before, no matter how much we might like to refashion our husband into the idealized friend and lover we desire, we can't. Neither can we demand of him what he cannot give.

"It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be. " Always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patience, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating our every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an a great strain."

So My Question to you is Who Is Your Solid Rock?

Most of us tend toward overeager impatience when it comes to growing up together within marriage. Too often we expect too much from our husband, and we expect it right now. We want our mate to be good, God-pleasing, productive, faith-filled, loving, Spirit-led, generous, authoritative, heroic, prayerful, responsible, patient, knowledgeable, gentle, self-controlled, sociable, manly, Christ-centered, successful, responsive, humble, Word-wise, humorous, faithful, fit, caring, attentive, well-groomed, kind, respectful, tempered, trustworthy, affectionate, sexually skillful, capable, honest and sensitive to our needs. We want him to be a healthy, happy, holy man of God. We restlessly yearn for him to be able to give us the love our hearts long for. (Oh yea lets not forget about him being a top-quality masseuse too!) It isn't nothing like coming home tired from work to a hot bubble bath and big strong hands just waiting to rub the days tension away.

When we look to our husband, rather than Jesus Christ, to supply the perfect, never-ending love our hearts were created for, we open the door for bitterness disillusionment, and heartbreak. But when we turn our heart toward Christ, He transforms our longings to be more realistic to what our husbands are capable of giving us.

There's just no getting around it: Expecting our mates to completely meet our needs for love and security is incompatible with true Christian love. Viewing our spouse as a means to an end-namely, as the main person responsible for satisfying our innermost needs and compensating for our inadequacies-distorts the real meaning of love and threatens our marriage by placing an intolerable burden upon our partner.

"Remember John 15:5 says, apart from Christ, we can do nothing.
"In addition Philippians 4:19 tells us that because we are in Christ we have the assurance He will meet all our needs.

Ladies lets let God be God and our husbands be our husbands.

Distinguishing the difference between dependence and love frees our hearts, minds, and souls to steadily rely upon Christ as the source of our strength, hope, and identity. Constrained and guided by Jesus' unfailing love, we find the freedom to choose to live according to our role as a wife to the obedience of God. In this way, we learn how to love and accept our husband for who he really is, allowing us to accept him as the man he already is in Christ's eyes.

God's Unchanging Promises

God is more than able to gently guide the course of our husband's life. What a critical, life-changing truth! After all, how can you or I completely know all the amazing things God has accomplished, is accomplishing, and will accomplish for us and for our husbands? How can we grasp the full extent of everything God is doing behind the scenes of our life-past, present, and future?

Simply put, we can't. We can, however, cling to God's unchanging promise: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose". Isn't it great to know that we don't have to enter into the costly commitment of marriage without God's ever-present help, strength, nourishment and comfort? That our hope can rest securely in the Savior. At the center of our marriage, we have the opportunity to receive God's continuing invitation to daily depend on Him to meet our needs. Learning to actively depend on Christ as our source of truth and brings refreshness to our souls. "Relying on God's strength and trusting His promises isn't about taking the cowardly way out," Not at all! It's about perseverance.

Trusting God to satisfy our innermost longings and desires is neither easy nor automatic: We learn to let go of our desire to control as we allow Jesus to teach us the meaning of true love.

In acknowledging and affirming God's control over the course of our husband's choices and experiences, we can open our hands and surrender the concerns, irritations, and anxieties to which we cling. In exchange, we receive peace and grow in the wisdom learned from trusting God with our hearts, our marriages, and our lives. Thus, our deep yearning for perfect love, the kind of love only God can give, becomes a source of blessing and holy protection not only for us but also for our husbands.