Resolving Conflict in the Bedroom Part 1

Written by Carl & Yolanda Bennett



I recently read an article from a Pastor who shared one of his marriage counseling sessions. He said that there were two people that had been married for thirty-three years. But they haven't had sex for more than twenty years. He said that the wife came to him in tears because her husband was always angry and his anger made her so upset to the point that she didn't feel like having sex. And after a while this became the norm in their marriage. It became a pattern not to have sex and one day she discovered that he had an affair. Which obviously in turn made her even more angry and upset with her husband, so she use the affair as an excuse to never have sex with him again. Not by surprise the husband begin to drink and eventually became an alcoholic.

Song of Solomon

Saturated with stories of sexual escapades, secret rendezvous, and extramarital affairs, today's media teach that immorality means freedom, perversion is natural, and commitment is old-fashioned. Sex, created by God and pronounced good in Eden, has been twisted, exploited, and turned into an urgent, illicit, casual, and self-gratifying activity. Love has turned into lust, giving into getting, and lasting commitment into "no strings attached."

In reality, sexual intercourse, the physical and emotional union of male and female, should be a holy means of celebrating love, producing children, and experiencing pleasure, protected by the commitment of marriage. God thinks sex is important, and Scripture contains numerous guidelines for its use and warnings about its misuse. And sex is always mentioned in the context of a loving relationship between husband and wife.

There has been much debate over the meaning of this song. Some say it is an symbol of God's love for Israel and/or for the church. Others say it is a literal story about married love. But in reality, it is both-a historical story with two layers of meaning. On one level, we learn about love, marriage, and sex; and on the other level, we see God's overwhelming love for his people. As you read Song of Songs, remember that you are loved by God, and commit yourself to seeing life, sex, and marriage from his point of view. God created sex and intimacy, and they are holy and good when enjoyed within marriage. A husband and wife honor God when they love and enjoy each other.

Harmonious Marriage

Father, in the name of Jesus, it is written in Your Word that love is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost Who is given to us. Because You are in us, we acknowledge that love reigns supreme. We believe that love is displayed in full expression enfolding and knitting us together in truth, making us perfect for every good work to do Your will, working in us that which is pleasing in Your sight.

We live and conduct ourselves and our marriage honorably and becomingly. We esteem it as precious, worthy, and of great price. We commit ourselves to live in mutual harmony and accord with one another delighting in each other, being of the same mind and united in spirit.

Father, we believe and say that we are gentle, compassionate, courteous, tender-hearted, and humble-minded. We seek peace, and it keeps our hearts in quietness and assurance. Because we follow after love and dwell in peace, our prayers are not hindered in any way, in the name of Jesus. We are heirs together of the grace of God.

Our marriage grows stronger day by day in the bond of unity because it is founded on Your Word and rooted and grounded in Your love. Father, we thank You for the performance of it, in Jesus' name. Amen.